subtitled: the post in which Alyssa tells too much information and regains control of the blog from Matt's temporary reign as guest blogger...not that I'm jealous or anything.
May: I decide I need some new hair ways.
June: Get perm appointment. Like the idea of one. Won't I look so cute just out of the pool? My hair will be kinky and fun. Haven't had a perm since 1992 but I am excited.
Perm Day in June: Get perm. Have nice reading/relaxing time with no kids. See myself afterwards and I'm suddenly 17 again. Me no likey. Run into one of the vice-presidents of OC. He is friendly but all I can think about is, "What is he thinking about my hair? Does he notice something is wrong?"
One day later in June: Tell my friends to look away when they see me at church that night.
Two days later: Wash it and like it. Feel so glad that I don't have to use a blowdryer or flatiron at all this summer.
Early July: in Texas. Develop an itch on my neck.
4 days later: have rash the size of Texas on my neck, ears, up in my hair
Sunday, July 10: get a double-steroid shot in my hiney
days following: feel great, cloud nine, good hair, no rash, life is good
Saturday, July 16: rash reappears on neck
Sunday, July 17: want to rip and tear all the skin off my neck
Monday, July 18: go to family doctor. Find out that I am officially a medical mystery. Could I be allergic to my perm? Sunscreen? Mousse? Lotion? Perfume? No one knows but we suspect the perm.
days following to present: begin high dosage of steroid pills that taper off from now to August 2. Side effects:
silliness;
drowsiness at awkward times (like after breakfast);
awake at awkward times (like now at midnight);
and my personal favorite...puffiness. No more laugh lines, crows feet or wrinkles on the forehead. I have had my own personal botox treatment sans needles. I've got the tightest (and puffiest) face on the planet. Also have swollen hands, feet, knees - it's like I'm pregnant again. My joints hurt, my back hurts, my feet hurt. And I still get to take these steroids until August 2.
Surely by August 3 I will be back to my normal silliness, normal sleep times, and I'll even take the deep laugh lines and crows feet and inherited wrinkles on my forehead back just so I don't feel like The Joker anymore. Surely.
So from now till then...you've been warned.
7 comments:
Note to self: Do not get a perm. That thought had actually crossed my mind this summer. Not so much now.
I hope you feel better soon. I am so sorry!
Oh, I am so sorry. You don't need any more medical mysteries!
This was a wonderful post to start off my afternoon of coffee and chocolate. Sorry for all of the puffiness and lack of sleeping but SURELY by August 3rd you will be back to normal, right?
when i saw you Wednesday night I was going to mention that your skin looked great! Now I know your secret... I didn't think you looked puffy at all - but I thought I really need to ask her what she is doing to look so seventeen again! Oh sweet Alyssa, you crack me up (which only makes my laugh lines worse)
So sorry the end of your summer isn't going how you envisioned it June 1st.
Oh, Alyssa.....! Love the way you wrote that out! I was mainly worried about you falling asleep on your drive today. Didn't want to say anything and "jinx" it, figuring you have enough sense to pull over should anything like that happen. Well, enjoy... is it Grammy and Poppa? One of these days I'll get it right and KNOW that I got it right! Anyway, enjoy.
Hey, I had to take steroids once when I had an allergic reaction to a medication and I found the same symptoms. I was in my 20s, so I did not find the benefits of the "botox-like beautiful, but felt rounder than ever, stiff in the joints, round in the face, fat... Anyway, it really helped me to eat a VERY low sodium diet. It might be worth a try for the next week. Very funny post, though.
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